Insecurity
by Fabulous and Feminist
Summary: Ginny, Bill, Hermione and Snape dwell on the things that they hate about themselves. Their lovers fail to understand. T for security but probably universal.


Ginny doesn't bother looking in the mirror for too long these days. Sometimes she can't understand why she still bothers to try to look nice. It's not like she can stand up to Pansy or Hermione. Her eyebrows are a strange colour due to her hair so that when she blushes, they're like invisible ink marks. Cheap invisible ink that you can't read but can still see the general line of. Looking round she sees Hermione's perfect definition and watches as Daphne makes Charlie choke on his food just by waggling hers. No one would even notice if she waggled hers.

She doesn't have Hermione's height and long limbs. Ginny is simply Quidditch material. Broad shoulders and a small stocky frame that's good for ducking and ramming but not strappy dresses. She doesn't have Pansy's curves, just boobs and no waist. Apple, the woman in Madam Malkins tells her. Other people get to be hour-glass or willowy. She's a bloody apple. Who wants to be a bloody fruit?

Her face is alright she concedes…but the freckles drive her nuts. Freckles and a being a short-arse mean that she will never manage beautiful or willowy or hot or gorgeous. Just cute or sweet or pretty. Girl next door meets little sister. Well screw it all.

Draco has no idea that Ginny thinks all of this. Draco – though he would never admit it where anyone aside from Ginny can hear him – loves her. He loves the way that his long arm fits around her shoulders rather than hanging until all the blood rushes to his fingertips.

He loves the way her eyes blink up at him, surrounded by long eyelashes. He loves the darkness in her eyes, the darkness that makes his heart pump harder and the knowledge that she understands him because of it. Another part of him thanks Merlin for the way that she's so innocent looking and loving because he's not sure if he could survive without that anchor.

He loves that she's slightly plump and that her breasts are too large for her body. Not just for when they shag but also for when the nightmares come and she presses herself against him, letting him cry into her soft skin. Letting him cocoon himself into her body, knowing that she would fight to the death for him.

Draco loves Ginny's easy barking laughter and lopsided smile. It comes so easily and he can make it appear. It's so unlike his half smirks that he'd kill anyone who made it disappear.

Ginny doesn't understand why Draco loves all of these things but she's willing to accept that maybe they're not all bad.

Bill hates the wolf inside him. He hates the scars. He hates the constant reminder that he is no longer the man he was. He hates the ridges they make across his skin. He hates that he now feels every moment like he shouldn't be with someone who looks like an angel. He hates the stares that he can feel from strangers. He hates the sympathetic look from friends. He hates Remus' knowing looks. He hates the way that he feels dangerous now. He hates the constant fear that he would hurt Fleur. He hates the way he feels unworthy of her.

He hates that he depends on her now. He hates that she's the only one brave enough to argue with him, to curse him, to hex him, to throw crockery at him. Although it does have to be admitted that no-one else ever threw crockery at him.

Bill hates that whenever they make love, deep within him, he can feel the urge to assert his claim, to be dominant, to bite, to be rough.

Fleur is a little ashamed that she almost loves Bill more for his scars and the wolf inside him. He now has all that she wishes for. To be ugly has always been her deepest desire. When she's with him, people don't stare at her beauty or attempt to ask her out because they're scared of him. She loves that he gives her the one thing she has always wanted.

She loves that he's rougher now because he will never really hurt her and…to be honest it turns her on. She loves that he's freer and gives into the deep desires that everyone has. That he has been given a way to let them all out. And she likes that he's dominant. For once, she's glad that she's not taking charge. It makes her feel cared for.

She loves the way that he will now fight her, argue rather than nodding patiently. Plus, the best kiss they've ever had was when she throws the plate at him and he strides over and presses her up against the fridge, pressing up against her and kissing her in the most demanding way. It was…sexy.

Bill doesn't understand why she feels like this, even when she explains it in the most matter-of-fact voice in bed one time. However, he likes the outcomes.

Hermione can admit that she's a perfectionist. At work, in her relationships, at home, in her appearance. She's gotten better over the years; she's relaxed and found time for other things. But there's still a part of her that dislikes the mirror because it symbolises the lack of control she has. Her hair has calmed a little since school, thanks to several bottles of creams and lotions. But it still corkscrews crazily over her head and needs an entire box of clips to hold it back. She can't get it to behave and act in the way that she wants it to. Even if she succeeds a little, by the end of the day it will be more of a birds nest than if she hadn't tried.

Her weight too…If it fluctuates then she feels morose and snappy. She hates Weasley gatherings because she knows that if she tries to exercise or keep her portions small, it's the main topic of discussion for at least a week. And then Molly will "drop by because she was in the area" armed with impossibly unhealthy snack packages.

Hermione hates the lines that are beginning to crease her skin. It's just another thing that's ingrained in her. She hates the way that these lines are things she's going to live with, things she can't control.

Harry has no idea that Hermione feels this way and it's good thing because he'd have never have let it go if he knew. He doesn't see a lack of control when he looks at Hermione. He doesn't see her weight fluctuating. He just sees the woman he's loved for years. The woman he's laughed with, the woman who he's argued with, the woman who's always been there for him.

He thinks she's beautiful. He loves the way her eyes crinkle at the corners when she reads. He admires the way her face creases when she holds back a smile. He loves the knotty ringlets in her hair as they tip over her shoulders. It makes her look really sexy and he's it still makes his heart skip a beat.

Hermione doesn't understand why Harry loves these things, these symbols of her lack of control. However, she does like the look in his eye when he notices one.

Severus Snape hates a lot of things about himself. He hates the smoky tattoo on his left arm that still aches down to the bone. He hates the scars from beatings. He hates the burn on his thigh where Bellatrix tested him once. He hates the hoarse quality of his voice, a remnant of years of Crucios. Severus Snape hates a lot of things about himself.

But unlike Hermione, Bill, Ginny and so many other people like them, Severus does not have someone to make him think twice about these things. Narcissa Malfoy can never bring herself to tell him that she has a fondness for the tattoo as it reminds her of when he saved her son. She'll never mention that she thinks his voice is incredibly sexy and she'll never admit that she shivers when she hears it. She could never explain that she longs to trace his scars, scars she sees as a reminder of his bravery.

Narcissa Malfoy left it too long. Will you?

**An. I wrote the beginning of this a very long time ago but I still like it. It's still important. Please review. I welcome any suggestions to other couples you'd like to read about. **


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